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9/11: A Day Remembered

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A Day in HistoryCrystal Chapman

Today is such a vivid day in my memory, as I’m sure it is for all of you. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and that I pretty much cried all day. We watched the second tower get hit live on television while in global history class. I remember that frantic feeling among teachers and students, as we all very quietly exited school. It’s as if we were all in a trance. A trance caused by shock, pain, horror and fear to name a few. I remember watching the news all day long from my cousin’s home because I was babysitting their baby girl. I sat and rocked her, and cried. What was happening and what did it mean for our future?

Now that I am a parent, I often wonder what kind of world did I bring my children into? My son entered kindergarten a few weeks ago – will they talk to his class about the significance of this day? As much as we work hard to not shelter our children, is he too young to hear this? Will learning about this very significant day in our history take away some of his innocence?

Thousands went to bed on the eve of 9/11 and finished the day with their lives forever changed.

A United Front

My sister told me a story recently that’s been sticking with me. She witnessed a 3 car accident and barely missed being the 4th vehicle involved. She was on a multi-lane highway on her way home from her nursing job, and in the pouring rain, she ran across the highway to take care of those in need. She’s both an RN and prior soldier. She needed to stay, right? She was obligated to…but was she really? No, she wasn’t. She could have thanked her lucky stars, called the paramedics and left, but instead she crossed the highway and risked her safety to help others. She did what needed to be done and didn’t question it. THAT’S what us Americans are about. THAT’S what we all saw when we were attacked. We were united.

Selfless individuals – military and civilian – are what make this country of ours so great. We take for granted so much in our lives and it’s a shame, but we’re all so very human. It’s insane to think this was so long ago that children are learning about this in books and will never know or feel what that was like. As horrible and terrifying 9/11 was, it was so very uniting.

A Patriotic Response

I remember enlisting in the Army Reserves that following summer and sworn in as a junior in high school on 7/1/2002. It’s kind of unbelievable to think I made such a big decision at only 17, but it was what I wanted to do. I remember at basic training, we were asked to say WHY we chose to enlist and the amount of people that stood and said “because of 9/11” probably encompassed the majority of the room. While I never served overseas and my time was served as a Reservist, I’m still honored to have served. I don’t often share I served because I was “just a reservist” but I am still proud of what I accomplished. I know I learned skills, life lessons and things about ME I may never have learned – especially at that early of an age in life.

Some of my greatest friends are fellow soldiers, both reservists and active duty, and across all branches. There’s a unity there regardless of where you fall in that group and it’s pretty amazing. My father, brother in law and best friend are among some that served overseas. It’s insane to think my brother in law and best friend wouldn’t be in my life had it not been for the military.

We are American

So with that, I’d like for you all to maybe take a step back and reflect on where you were. For those of us old enough to remember when the attack occurred, it’s impossible not to remember. On this day in 2018, it’s hard to believe this hateful and horrible nightmare took place 17 years ago on 9/11. History books are now printed with stories from 9/11 to educate those too young or not born yet to learn about.

We are American and will always find a way to come together in a time of crisis and need, and we will always rise above the occasion. But I do wish it didn’t take tragedy to see that American front so clearly. Be the change. Help someone today. Go out of your way to be kind. Thank a soldier, a family member of a soldier, law enforcement officer or first responder. And please be one to stop the next time you see someone in need.

How to Go Out of Business with LuLaRoe the Right Way

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You’ve Decided it’s TimeHow to Go Out of Business with LuLaRoe the Right Way

So you want to go out of business? First off, big hugs lady because I know this is a HUGE decision and not one made lightly. It’s extremely bittersweet in many ways because you put so much love and effort into your business, and regardless if you’re moving onto something else, it’s still hard to let go. And just to be clear, choosing to walk away isn’t failure, it’s a choice.

But let’s talk about how to go out of business with LuLaRoe the right way. Now, these tips aren’t limited to those of us only with LuLaRoe, they go for any inventory based business! This is a daunting topic and it shouldn’t be! But in all honesty, it’s likely the reason why so many of us stay with our company longer than we should.

How to Go Out of Business with LuLaRoe the Right Way

Steps for How to Go Out of Business with LuLaRoe the Right Way

1. Go live in your group and announce you’re going out of business! If you’re changing brands, don’t tell them what yet because you need to sell off your LuLaRoe first! And then immediately change your group to secret! You don’t need to be one of those GOOB groups that are searched. Don’t make it hard on the ladies still in this business and loving the brand. You once loved it as well.

2. Remove all retailers from your group. This isn’t about being shady, this is about helping them stay in their own lane. How to Go Out of Business with LuLaRoe the Right Way

3. You Pick, I Pick bundles per style. This should include at least wholesale pricing, processing fees and shipping costs. The reason why you’re launching with this is so you are able to move two items at one time.

4. Bundles of 3 and customers pick all of the items. See the stipulations above for how to determine pricing.

5. 40% off across the board.

6. Wholesale pricing plus shipping and last call for EVER shopping LuLaRoe in your group. You have to mean this – give them a final timeline and a sense of urgency!

7. Begin using multi-consultant discount groups – they exist, you guys. Don’t fall on your sword. I wasn’t in any until after going out of business with LuLaRoe, but they exist regardless if you use them.

8. Sell at a discount to retailers in bundles.

Selling Off Inventory is Exhausting

This isn’t going to happen overnight and you’re going to get burnt out while selling off. It’s just the way it is. Once you’ve moved everything from your group after that final sale – take a deep breath and give yourself a break before diving back into it. It’ll still be there, I promise. That fresh energy from taking a week or two off at a time will be extremely motivating. You might even need to take more than one break – I did!

I’m Here to Help

This is an overwhelming, time-consuming and emotional process, but you’re not alone. Trust me, you are not. If you want or need to reach out, you can best reach me in my opportunity group, which is Sassy Serendipity. If you’re considering another business venture, such as Paisley Raye, don’t forget to read up on how to find a sponsor.

I’d love to see you over in our community! Sass Not Optional is where it’s at, and you can also shop the Sass Not Optional Boutique HERE.

Direct Sales and The Mean Girl Club

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Oh…Isn’t That A Pyramid Scheme?

Direct sales has a bad reputation and while most of that has to do with how we as small business owners choose to conduct our business, a large portion of that negative reputation is based off how we treat each other within in the industry. How on Earth are we ever going to be taken seriously if we can’t take the time to treat others in the industry with respect, kindness and willing extend a helping hand? The short answer is it will never happen because we’re currently a mean girl club. Woah…that can’t possibly be true because we’re a sisterhood. We’re here to help and lift each up. So, let’s dig into why we have this mean girl reputation and figure out how WE as direct sellers can change the future of direct sales with our actions today.

Joining a direct sales company starts pretty much the same for most anyone. You learn about a product and simply can’t get enough of it. Your enthusiasm for the brand is infectious and you can’t help but share it with everyone around you. So, naturally you are ready to own this business. In most cases, you get a kit for a killer price on a boatload of products you’re in love with and have the potential to make a small (or large) income based off how much you want to work the business. What’s to lose, right?

I’m Going to *Insert Huge Goal Here*!!

Okay, so you’ve stumbled into this heaven of an opportunity where you are choosing to represent a brand that you are in love with. Now what? Typically, you’re met with a team welcoming you in with open arms and excited for you to join in on this adventure. Everyone is happy, you feel supported, and you are ready to own this business, and then your fast start (or whatever it’s called) ends…then what?

You’ve likely started to reach a lack of interest from your inner circle and sales are dropping. You don’t quite know what to do. Instead of the guidance you thought you’d receive, you start hearing things like “just book some parties,” “message everyone that’s online right now” or “do a loop.” This isn’t an easy industry and you have to cultivate some relationships and long-term practices in order to be successful, and those approaches will only get you so far.

So what’s next? Well, this is the time in which you’ll realize your success hinges solely on you and you start to seek out external resources in order to continue growth. Or maybe you’ll decide that while the initial start was a fun ride, it’s not for you. Either one is fine, but the choice is yours, and your success falls only on you. Choosing to walk away isn’t failure. It will never be failure, it’s a choice.

(Graphic credit to Michele M. Bradley)

Time to Level Up

Assuming you’ve decided to continue pushing forward and seeking those outside resources in order to help with your success, you’re now going against the grain. Chances are you’re choosing to do things differently than your upline or others on your team. This is exactly what running a business looks like. You can’t sit stagnant or you’ll never grow and those sales you want will continue to decline. However, it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with seeking out information and do things differently, you’re now going against the grain, and likely feeling some pushback from your team. Obviously doing things differently means you’re better than them, that you’re smarter than them, etc. No, doing things differently has nothing to do with that, only with you choosing to make your business work for you, in your own way. But doing things differently is intimidating to others and the insecurities from those around you.

Those voices can get loud and they’ll cause you to doubt yourself, but stay the course of being true to yourself, and I promise you’ll be happier in the longrun. They’ve only learned one narrow path to success and can’t imagine anyone deviating from that. People fear change. People let their insecurities for themselves show through when expressing the doubts they have for you. Listen closely, that’s them doubting themselves, not you.

Maybe This Isn’t The Gig For Me

On the flip side, let’s say you decide to leave for another direct sales company. Let’s also assume it has nothing to do with any negative feelings you have for your original business. You choosing to leave has everything to do with you and nothing to do with anyone else, but people will make it about themselves. Somehow you leaving impacts their business. I call bullshit on this. If you opened a business, you opened it with the intentions YOU were going to run it for yourself, knowing full and well YOU would have to do the work.

But again, change is scary, and you choosing to leave will cause other businesses to fail because their insecure with what they’ve built. Maybe they’ve been riding on your coattails and don’t know how to do it on their own? Maybe in your path to wanting to help others, it’s actually something you encouraged unknowingly. Well let me tell you, those ugly sides of people start showing up like nobody’s business. Unfortunately, jealousy and insecurity are some really ugly sides you’ll see, and that’s where the mean girl status enters. Direct sales can bring out the best in us. It can also bring out the worst in us.

Take The High Road

The reputation of this industry will  never change if we can’t celebrate the success of others, help those behind on the line, or recognize that life and goals change. The inability to do any of the above listed things has cultivated this mean girl reputation. Who on earth wants to do business with someone in a mean girl club? Umm, I don’t.

So be different. Celebrate those who are hitting their goals even if you’re still working on yours. Lend a helping hand, even if it is your competition – there’s room for all of us. Continuously seek out new relationships and learning opportunities, and for heaven’s sake – stop talking shit about others. This is an amazing industry and has the ability to empower small business owners to lead the life they want to lead, but this mean girl nonsense is ruining our reputation.

You reap what you sow, and I encourage you to start sowing some generosity, kindness, motivation, celebration, and genuine compassion for others, because that’s what’s going to make your business. Not worrying about someone doing better than you. Not that somebody is doing something different. And certainly not because your sponsor leaves. Run YOUR business and always do it with grace and dignity, and those that don’t belong beside you will naturally weed themselves out. Take the high road and help change the face of this industry. We aren’t mean girls and this mean girl club status has go to go. We are a group of women (and men!) helping to live the life we want.

Are You a Mean Girl or Business Woman?

I’m going to challenge you to reach out to someone that’s recently announced leaving the business, and check in on them. Or you know that person that intimidates the heck out of you because they’re where you want to be – reach out to her and pick her brain! Or how about that person in your friend list that you see posting all day long about their new business that they’re so excited about – send her a message and encourage her, instead of talking about her behind her back. If you’re talking crap, chances are you’re ahead of her on the line, so help guide her! There are resources out there, share them. One you can share is the Socialite Suite, which is a free resource, and you can find a wealth of information over on their blog.

Should you choose to accept my challenge, I’m also going to ask you to come back here and let me know what you did. Share it. Make a stand towards being part of the change. The best way to make a difference is to lead by example. You can’t spend your time wishing for things to change. If you want change to happen, you’re going to need to walk the talk.

I Quit LuLaRoe & Grew My Business

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Did You Quit LuLaRoe?

So many times when look or hear about the ending of something, we view it automatically as a failure. In this instance, like in so many others, it’s just time for something new! I can say with 100% certainty that I am choosing to quit LuLaRoe but I absolutely did not fail.

In fact, I grew personally and professionally and LuLaRoe was my stepping stone in doing so. They prepared me to take a leap after learning that I am really good at what I do! As my journey progressed, I had the pleasure of growing a team. This team of a group of ladies that I simply adore (and still do), benefitted professionally, personally and financially, right along side me for nearly two years. They allowed me the opportunity to lead and work out systems that benefitted each and everyone of us along the way. And they also are the reason my reason to leave LuLaRoe was so difficult. So let me break it down for you.

Personal Fulfillment

Sometimes when something is so fine tuned it’s a blessing and a curse. I didn’t feel challenged anymore. And each day that passed I started to feel disconnected with the styles and the prints. Quit LuLaRoeI felt that every day was the same as the day before. I was bored. And looking back, I realized that it’s part of who I am. I’m not usually someone who sits and just exists for extended periods of time. I need to feel challenged, feel excited, to feel the growth, to feel fulfilled. I need to feel fulfilled to give my very best and if I can’t give my best, it’s time to look for something new! But new had to have the challenges and flexibility that I get with Direct Sales.

 

 

Leadership

My group of 10 changed my life. I am a leader at heart and was born for it. I have the heart of a teacher and seek any opportunity to share my knowledge. Our sponsoring had slowed down, we weren’t replacing the members who deiced to move on, and I wasn’t allowed to do what I love most. Helping women be all they can be, owning their very own business. Watching my teammates leave left me feeling deflated. Their why had changed and they chose to leave because it’s what was best for them and their family for whatever reason. Even though I was sad to see them leave, that wasn’t the deflating feeling, it was the inability to continue growing.

For months, I decided that we could just keep plugging along and keep doing exactly what we were doing and implementing things that I learned along the way. People would come. They would find me because I was implementing all of the right things and I was passing that knowledge along. Call me impatient, call me a dreamer. I say maybe I am both but more importantly, I am a LEADER and I want to lead. While this wasn’t my deciding factor, it didn’t hurt when making my Positive vs. Negative checklist.

Vendor Events

Competition getting into vendor events is an issue that couldn’t be ignored when making my decision, and was actually very high on my list. While I don’t believe LuLaRoe is over saturated in terms of shoppers, I do feel that getting into vendor events is very very difficult. Events are game changers when you’re trying to not only establish yourself in the community but also to expand outside of your warm market. I believe in them and I want them to be an integral part of my business.

When I pay $400+ on a vendor event, I expect not to see another retailer there, yet I always do. While I absolutely LOVE working with other retailers and have even organized countless successful online and in-person events and fundraisers, I do not want to share every event with others. Arriving to an expensive event and being surprised with multiple retailers is never fun, and ultimately does interfere with my goals. It makes us look as though we are a company in constant competition with one another.

Various Selling Opportunities

To be quite honest, I want to sell off my blog and LuLaRoe doesn’t allow that as part of their policies and procedures. This is perfect, for them. For me, it’s a negative and doesn’t fit into my business plan. Along with selling online via my blog, I also want to be able to run a seasonal discount as I see fit. It helps to move end of season product and that’s exactly how a normal boutique functions. I want that freedom to choose for myself. There is a tactful way to run a business to suit my needs as well as respecting other reatilers in the field, and I have always take steps to do so. I have gone as far as changing my group name to secret while selling off inventory so I wouldn’t negatively impact other retailers, especially those still working their business that joined my team.

Quitting Isn’t Failing

So there you have it, all of my reasons for choosing to quit LuLaRoe and why I didn’t fail. I left for personal growth, the ability to grow and lead a team, the control to run my business how I see fit, and to get some freaking vendor events!!!! My time with LuLaRoe comes with zero regrets and I enjoyed my time while it was fulfilling. I joined to find myself again, which I did, but also realized I’m pretty effing good at this! I met some amazing women and learned a ton. It was an incredible challenge! Ending doesn’t mean quitting, and it certainly doesn’t mean failure. I made a choice to stay with LuLaRoe for almost 2 years and now I’m choosing to quit LuLaRoe in order to start something new. That’s personal and professional growth at its finest, if you ask me!

So What’s Next?!I Quit LuLaRoe

I’m choosing to quit LuLaRoe and join Paisley Raye – a brand spanking new direct sales clothing company! I’ll post a future post about why but I’ll give you a few cliff notes. I can sell how I feel is best for my business and representing a company that is 100% American Made. Many businesses begin this way, even LuLaRoe did, but their growth trajectory factors in their limitations for business growth. You won’t see 100,000+ retailers…you’ll be lucky to see 10,000…and even luckier to be among them! Not only that, but I have the insane opportunity to be among the first 50 stylists! Hop on over to my interest group Team Sassy Serendipity for more information! Feel free to contact me if you have any questions!

If you’re interested in shopping this amazing new brand, you can follow me over to my Sass Not Optional community group, or shop my boutique directly on my website.

Why Do I Hold a Grudge?

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Why Do I Hold a Grudge?

I’ve been working really hard as of the last year to really work on myself. I am striving to become a better me and better understand myself, because I want to bring a positive light to those around me. With that, I’ve had to face some hard truths – I’m stubborn as hell and I can hold a mean grudge…many of you know this, but has this held me back? How has this pushed me forward in life? Stubbornness doesn’t have to be bad when harnessed the right way. But have I always used for the greater good? It’s questions like these that have left me asking myself why do I hold a grudge? Why can’t I let go of shit?

Life Experiences Mold Our Behaviors

I’ve chosen to persevere during certain times in my life and constantly look for the solution, how to get to the next step, and even how to just figure out how to survive emotionally. Feelings are important and it’s important we allow ourselves time to process them. I know this perseverance comes from the fact that I’m stubborn and don’t allow myself to settle for anything less than what I’m capable of, what my dreams are, or what I’m worth.

Another thing I’ve learned about myself that I’ve always known, but not really why, is that I can hold a mean grudge. It has taken some serious reflection to understand WHY it feels impossible for me to just let something go.

I have always felt this was something broken about me. That holding a grudge was something wrong with me, but I don’t think there is. Maybe it was a survival mechanism because for so long it was necessary for me to be able to continue pushing through certain times in my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of giving my all and being met with disappointment. Boundaries are good, and I’m learning this…slowly. For me, a grudge is my defense mechanism. Does that mean I need to work better with my boundaries or acceptance? Maybe. Probably.

Why Does it Have to be a Bad Thing?

Here’s the thing though, holding a grudge isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I’m not going to beat myself up any longer when this happens. Sometimes holding a grudge doesn’t come from feeling wronged, or thinking you’re right and refusing to admit otherwise. Sometimes it’s flat out about self-preservation. Just like I said before, it’s a defense mechanism.

If you’re like me, you love with your whole heart, and when you learn that’s not reciprocated, or realize you’re not being treated the way in which you deserve, you pull back. I never want to hurt the feelings of others, it’s never ever my intention, so I’ll sit with those feelings silently. And I’ll cry about it. But I won’t say anything. It’s like I’m incapable of allowing that conversation to be opened because of the rejection that can and likely will ensue. I don’t do well with rejection.

For me, holding a grudge is about protecting myself. I let you in and you broke that trust. Even though I have every right to state those feelings, I won’t because I don’t want to cause hurt feelings….despite the heart crushing ones I’m experiencing.

Self-Acceptance and Grace

Here’s what I’ve decided…it’s OKAY for me to hold a grudge and I won’t apologize for doing so. I also won’t force myself to change in this area, but I do need to learn it’s okay to say my bit. I deserve that closure just as much as anyone else, as do you. Life is short. I’m tired of feeling as if I’m dancing around the feelings of others for the sake of their feelings, and neglecting my own. I have value, too. My feelings and self-worth are just as valid as anyone else’s, and I need to allow myself the same grace I provide others.

I’m slowly starting to allow myself to say those things though. As much as it feels good, I’m also realizing I need to be 100% ready to accept the potential rejection. That’s not an easy pill to swallow, but I’m doing my best. I won’t lie, I’m choosing to push myself primarily because of my children – what does it say to them if I’m going to allow others to not treat me with the value I deserve?

You know the old saying “it’s their loss”….well, it’s true because I’m a damn good friend. I know it in my heart. My intentions are pure and I’m someone you truly want in your corner, but if you don’t want me there, so be it.

I’m Giving You Permission and a Challenge

I’m giving you all permission to accept this “negative characteristic” about yourself if you’re a fellow grudge-holder. I do challenge you to dig deep so you can truly understand WHY you are a grudge holder. Truly ask yourself – why do I hold a grudge? Do you have room to grow from that revelation in one way or another?

Say it with me…”You don’t get to pick how much of me you get – you get all or nothing because  real and authentic. I don’t do superficial. And damn it, I’m worth it because in all honesty, I’m fucking awesome”.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, so please leave a comment!

6 Reasons for Using a Multiple Online Hostess Approach in Direct Sales

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Time is Money

Girl, if you’re using your valuable time to have single hosted online events with your direct sales business, you’re doing a disservice to your time! Maximizing your time and value is how you stay ahead of the game, and ultimately thrive in this business. In the past, I would spend at least 2 hours on each individual party plan, and my sales were dismal!

Discouragement in the process and resentment towards hostesses was impeding my progress. You have to seek out new systems when current systems continuously put out the same negative results. Below are 6 reasons for using a multiple online hostess approach in direct sales that will change your mindset on time management.

Why YOU Need it

1. Your time is valuable! Maximize your time by doing more work in less time.
2. Hostesses need coaching and not all hostesses understand the concept.
3. Three non-qualifying parties held at the same time can result in a single qualifying party for you.

Maximizing Hostess Rewards

4. Increased engagement leads to guests having more trust in you and the product, which in turn increases sales.
5. It’s hard to get excitement going for a party with a whole bunch of newbies to your brand – again, understandable.
6. Friendly competition is a result of multiple hostesses, making it more fun for everyone.

But Does it Actually Work?

Yes! You have to build a trust with your hostesses and their guests, and I encourage this by doing giveaways geared at selfies being shared. Get creative, realize your time is money, and show your hostess why this is beneficial for HER. Having multiple hostesses maximizes your time and makes you more efficient, and leads you to not feeling nearly as burned out. You’re able to give more when you aren’t spread as thin.

Like what you read and want to see more?! Subscribe to my blog and don’t forget to follow me HERE! Want to learn more about time management? Check out this post on posting services.

7 Tips to Balancing Being Mom and Working From Home

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The WAH/SAH Juggling Act

Finding balance is difficult to find when working from home, or at least it feels that way when you first start out. Your new business is budding and needs all the love and attention it can get, but so are your children – something’s gotta give and you don’t want it to be either!

For me, the realization you pay for everything in either time or money resonated loudly. Talk about a lightbulb moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a hot mess and have some work to do, but overall, I’m finding it and here’s how!

Here are my 7 Tips to Balancing Being a Mom and Working From Home.

Steps to Balancing

1. Is there a service you can use to do some/all of a requirement for you? For me, this is Shop the Roe and Vizzlie!

2. Childcare – I have someone come to my home 1-2 times a week for about 5-6 hours at a time, and I work uninterrupted. I found all of my sitters on Care.com

3. Set a schedule and stick to it. I typically photograph for an hour or so while my sitter is here. Online parties on Thursday, in home parties on Friday and my weekly VIP on Saturday. Invoicing is done the day of and day after my online sales, and hit the post office on Monday and Friday each week. Stray from the schedule IF time permits! Shop the Box and random outfit sales are great!

4. Have a friend over to help you once a week, or whenever you need it!

5. My kids know if I have it planned to go live, they get to watch a movie – it’s the only time during the day they get to watch it and it typically only happens once a week.

6. Sometimes you just have to push all of that aside and just play with your kiddos – All of that nonsense will still be there when you’re finished playing.

7. Be kind to yourself and allow for your process to steadily evolve. Your kiddos love you and you love your kiddos, an hour here or there of them not getting your undivided attention will not kill them.

It’s That Easy?

Ha! Wouldn’t that be nice?! It’s all a process – just roll with it and have fun! If you ever stop having fun, step back and take a look at the situation. What can you change? There’s always a solution, you just have to keep an open mind and look for it.

Don’t forget to follow me HERE to keep up with my ever changing schedule, as life of mom and business owner is one that’s constantly evolving!

My Life as a Duck

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I’m a Duck

I was discussing branding with my TEAM recently and I revealed to them my spirit animal is a duck. They all laughed at me because who on earth picks a duck when there are so many cool animals out there, but it’s so true! I do wish I related to something far more gracious, beautiful or strong, but no, I’m a duck. I’m a duck and I’m owning it.

Have you ever noticed how serene a duck appears above water? They’re graceful and calm. Under that water though, they’re moving their feet like crazy to tread water and stay afloat. This is my life as a duck. My outer shell is a serene duck and my brain are those crazy ass feet. Ha!

Things Are Not Aways What They Appear

I’m the go-to person. The doer. The listener. The problem-solver. A voice of reason. It never seems to matter what the topic is or how long I’ve known the person, I’m always sought out. That’s not a bad thing at all and I love helping others – I’m a hardcore humanist and helping others is what fuels my soul. But sometimes this duck needs help, too.

People come to me because they think I have my shit together…if they only knew! I’m a damn hot mess! My mind is constantly racing, I get so lost in thought about all the things I need to do that sometimes I spend countless hours awake, only for those lists leave me feeling so overwhelmed I opt to do nothing instead.

Owning My Duck Status

I know this about myself and it’s something I work on daily, and I’m more vocal about, but it has taken a lot of self-reflection, work and even more courage to admit it.

I feel like motherhood has brought this out of me so much more even though I’ve always been this way. We as mothers feel we need to take on the world and are inadequate if we need help. That we’re failing by voicing our needs – what a stupid mindset!

I choose to celebrate this about myself instead of hiding it. I’m not out judging other moms and women because I know there is no right way of doing things, and I work hard to remind those close to me of that as well – I tell everyone to be kind to themselves daily, yet here I am being my biggest critic. It’s gotta stop. We need to be kind to ourselves just as much as we need to be kind to others – probably more, if I’m being honest. You can only give so much when your own bucket is empty.

What’s your spirit animal? Find me on Facebook and let me know!

Letting Go of The Mom Guilt

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We Do it To Ourselves

Mom guilt is real and it sucks! I am by far my biggest critic and I’m quite certain most mothers can relate. So you know what I did? I let it go. Sure, it rears it’s ugly head from time to time, but that’s okay because I don’t let it dominate me anymore.

Learning how to push those thoughts aside is difficult, but with practice we can all accomplish it. Making it a common practice of letting go of the mom guilt has had the greatest of impacts on my mental health.

If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

We all love our children. The constant self-doubt we feel over the job we’re doing is proof of that. It’s okay to take care of #1 because nobody else is going to benefit from an unhappy and unsatisfied mama. Being selfish about time alone to do things you want to do is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s vital. Stress is higher in a home where time isn’t allotted to decompress, and our children are soaking in those negative vibes.

Too much time is spent worrying about what *should* be done and feeling guilt from what didn’t happen. Why? In time, I’ve realized I get less and less productive the longer it’s been since my last time away. We get burnt out and it’s justifiable. This gig is HARD. Internally, I struggled a lot during the postpartum time after each child, and it sucks I kept it to myself.

Not Everything is About Mama

Here’s the other half to that though – our partner needs that time as well. They need time away to do things to help hang onto who we are just as much as we do. I don’t know how it is for you, but for me, I tend to advocate for my husband to have the time he needs to be a better father and husband…but then I get bitter about it because I haven’t spoken up for myself. He would never tell me no, just as I would never tell him no, yet I sit quietly waiting for him to say something like “I think you should go for the day.” Umm, how stupid is that?

Table For One

I’ve realized I don’t need to have plans made with a friend or to do something in order to have time away. I like going to have coffee all by myself while it’s quiet and still hot! Thai food alone is also high on the list because I don’t have to share my freaking Thai Iced Tea with all the world. I enjoy walking around the bookstore even though I have virtually zero time to actually read and use audiobooks instead.

So this is me giving you permission to let go of the mom guilt as well. You’re a damn good mama, now go reward yourself for that. Do something that makes you smile and don’t feel guilty about it – you deserve it.

Find me on Facebook and tell me what your favorite way to decompress is.

Postpartum Life – Is this normal?

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Is This Normal?

I told you recently how my spirit animal is a duck, but I’ve done some tremendous self-reflection since realizing this. I’ve always known I was this way but never equated it to being a duck until I was 32. That’s kind of nuts in retrospect.

I’m a mother of two young children, ages two and four, and life is busy. Being a mom is hard. Absolutely amazing, but so damn hard. That transition from no children, to one child, to two children, and then trying to figure out who the hell I was along the way has been a struggle! Like all moms, I let myself go in some ways because I was treading water and working as hard as possible to give everything I could to my babies, and stay afloat while doing so. I neglected myself along the way and that has been pretty damaging, if I’m being honest.

I guess I assumed my postpartum life was the new normal.

An Eye-Opening Revelation

My sister is someone I talk to often about life in general and I’m often her sounding board. Don’t get me wrong, I vent to her as well, but there are things I hadn’t even told myself yet…if that makes sense. I recently found the courage to tell her I’ve been feeling pretty shitty and it’s been for quite a long time now. I’m a happy person, I love to laugh, I enjoy being around people, but I’ve been in a funk and some of that has been far more forced than it should be.

Like I said, I talk to my sister about everything, and you know what? She had no idea. She wishes I had told her sooner but I hadn’t even admitted it to myself until recently, so I couldn’t have. We don’t live local to each other and if there were signs to see, she wouldn’t have seen them anyway. I’ve helped countless friends and family through hard times with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety (PPD/PPA), yet I wasn’t seeing the signs in myself. Nobody else was seeing them either because I was hiding it so well. I had it hidden so well that even I didn’t realize it – ummm, hello?…that’s a problem!

Where Do I Go From Here?

So what am I doing to address this? Well, I’m being more honest about it for starters. My anxiety about certain things is NOT normal but thankfully my husband accepts them for what they are and doesn’t pushback about it. We have a creek in our backyard that I refuse to take my children down to without him because water is such a huge trigger for me. Our creek isn’t deep…My kids can stand in and it goes to their mid calves…but nope. No water. Car seats? Oh boy, that’s a biggie. Letting my kids sleep in their own beds when my husband isn’t home for the evening – not going to happen.

But you know what? All of this is fixable. I’ve spent so much of my time being selfless that I’ve neglected myself. It’s been hard but I’m starting to make sure I have time away without my family, and I don’t allow myself to feel guilty about it anymore. My bucket has been low in terms of self-care, and you can’t give what you don’t have, so I’m making the change and taking care of me.

Is this something you relate to? If so, find me on Facebook because I’d love to connect with you!